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Improve Your Listening Skills
The majority of executives in corporate America listed listening as the most important skill in the workplace. And yet, listening skills were rated as the most lacking skill in the workforce. Eighty percent of our day is spent listening while on the average we absorb only 10 percent. Why don’t we listen better at work and in our personal lives? For one, the American education system places little emphasis on speaking or listening skills. Also, the business world, up until now, did not necessarily identify listening as an important business skill. The population in general lacks listening skills. It is a part of the human condition. Interestingly enough, we spend the majority of our day communicating and yet never receive training in listening.
Since listening is a form of communication, let us begin with seven basic communication skills:
1. When speaking be sure to “own” your messages. Use statements such as “I need,” or “I feel.”
2. Be specific when communicating and make your message complete. Do not assume or expect others to guess what you need or want.
3. Your messages should be congruent to your body language. If you sound happy and enthusiastic but have an angry look on your face, no one will know how you are really feeling.
4. Be repetitive with your message. It is important to present your information in more than one format since people communicate in different ways. There are those who are “visual” communicators and respond better with visuals. The “auditory” communicator responds better to questions such as, “Tell me what it is like to complete this task.” And finally, the “kinesthetic” communicator responds best to questions such as, “What kind of feeling do you get when you completed this task?” Listen closely to the words a person uses to determine what type of a communicator they are.
5. Always ask for feedback when communicating. By asking the listener to repeat your message in his or her words, you can determine if the message was received correctly.
6. Present your ideas one at a time. It is easier to follow one thought at a time rather than several presented at once. When presenting more than one idea, use a logical sequence and ask for feedback to ensure your message was received accurately.
7. Avoid judging others during communication. If others feel as though you are judging them unfairly, they will hold back information. Train yourself to listen attentively and ask questions for clarity prior to forming a conclusion.
By and large, when communicating, we are only concerned with “What’s in it for me?” As a result, we place blocks to avoid hearing other people.
The following are examples of common listening blocks:
Rehearsing -- Most of us are masters at rehearsing during a conversation. This block permits us to give the appearance of listening when in fact we are formulating a response to what the speaker is saying.
Judging -- This is the worst listening block one can utilize. Judging is the mental-emotional act of looking down at someone and finding fault. It is the most utilized block against listening to other people’s point of view.
Denying -- As soon as someone brings up something you don’t want to hear, you block the information by negating it or “denying” it.
Minimizing -- When you tell people they are “overreacting,” you are literally minimizing their feelings or point of view. This is a sure way to lose this person’s trust in going to you with a problem.
Black and White Thinking -- This is considered an aggressive block and distorts the other person’s point of view completely.
Nit Picking -- You are finding fault with every last detail of the person’s conversation.
Counter Attacking -- This is a very aggressive technique to quickly neutralize information you don’t want to hear.
Placating -- You tend to just “go along” with the other person even if you inwardly disagree.
Dreaming -- We are dreaming about something else in our life while pretending to listen.
As you can see, there are a number of listening blocks we put into place on a daily basis to avoid hearing other people. This justifies the statistic of absorbing only 10 percent of the 80 percent of time we spend listening throughout the course of the day. And what does this lack of listening skills cost corporate America? Well, most employees make at least one $10 mistake a year. When you multiply this by 100 million workers, it equals one billion dollars per year! Now, if that mistake occurs once a month, the cost is $12 billion per year, once a week the cost is $52 billion, and once a day is $260 billion. Can you afford to make mistakes due to poor listening?
Now that we have established the causes and cost of poor listening, what can we do about it?
There are several key actions to becoming a “proactive” or good listener:
- Let the speaker know you are interested in what they have to say through eye contact and welcoming body language. This encourages communication.
- Ask questions to clarify and gather information during a conversation. Using terms such as “why” and “how” are powerful listening tools.
- Always let the speaker know you understand what they are saying by “checking” through reiterating what they said. This will ensure you are both on the same wavelength.
So, what does a “proactive” listener look like? He or she will:
- Always focus on what the person is saying.
- Maintain personal space -- four to six feet.
- Use verbal cues like, “Tell me more.”
- Maintain good eye contact.
- Maintain open body language, such as uncrossed arms.
- Ask questions to clarify and gather information.
- Keep emotions out of the conversation.
- Always try to face the speaker and lean forward.
- Allow time for the speaker to respond and clarify his thoughts.
In the end, establishing “proactive” listening skills will give you an advantage in your personal and professional life. By listening to others, you get listened to. When you proactively listen, you’ll know more about others and make fewer mistakes.
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